Perhaps the most difficult aspect of a mediated divorce is the fact that you and your partner are fully responsible for coming up with a fair and equitable way to divide your property and parent your children. Although a mediator is there to guide you, the solution is completely in your hands.

With this in mind, it is apparent that both you and your former spouse absolutely must learn how to compromise.

Where Should You Start?

  • Know what you want – Compromise is impossible if you don’t know what you want and what you need. What is most important to you, and what could you let go of in order to keep what is most important to you?
  • Understand what your ex wants – Knowing what your ex wants is just as important as knowing what you want. Communication is vital to compromise. Before you start negotiations, make certain that you know where you spouse stands and what they may be willing to give.
  • Understand that you can’t have it all – You should know that you aren’t going to get everything you want and that your spouse also won’t get everything that they want. Divorce and the division of property is painful, and it is often impossible to strike a deal that makes both of you extremely happy.
  • Keep an open mind – Compromise doesn’t work if you won’t bend, consider new ideas, or make concessions. Do you really absolutely need the marital home? Could you consider giving up part of your retirement in exchange for something else you would like? The more open minded you are, the more likely you are to find a solution.
  • Seek an experienced divorce attorneys advice – A family lawyer can help you determine if your divorce agreement is fair. In addition, an attorney may be able to help you find a solution and strike a compromise.

Are you worried that you are making a mistake during divorce mediation or that your divorce agreement isn’t fair? Request a free copy of our book, The Savvy Woman’s Guide to Divorce in Washington.


Molly B. Kenny
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Divorce and Child Custody Attorney Serving Bellevue and Seattle Washington