Red Flags of a future domestic violence abuser Many times victims of domestic abuse will say that they had no idea that their partner was violent or abusive at the beginning of the relationship – their abuser may have been charming, attentive, and caring. However, many victims also list common red flags when looking back at their first weeks, months, and years with their abuser. Here are six common warning signs that are associated with violent and abusive relationships:


  • Jealousy. Your partner may want to know where you’ve been, accuse you of flirting with others, or bar you from talking to certain people.
  • Control. Your partner may keep a close eye on what you do and where you go. He or she may also begin controlling how you spend your money or how you look.
  • Isolation. Before more violent abuse begins, abusers often like to cut their victims off from family, friends, and loved ones who may notice behavior or try to prevent abuse.
  • Blame. Abusers never take blame and always blame others. If your partner constantly blames you for issues and even for how he or she is feeling, it may be a red flag of early emotional abuse.
  • Hypersensitivity. Can the smallest problem send your partner into a rage? Do you find yourself tip-toeing around sensitive issues? A partner who is extremely sensitive and quick to anger may become abusive.
  • Mistreatment of children or animals. Does your partner have unrealistic demands on young children ­– for example, he becomes angry when they drop food? Does he or she abuse pets in the household? This is a serious sign that they may have the tendencies of an intimate partner abuser.
  • Violence toward objects. If your partner has damaged your property, struck a wall beside your head, or released anger through destruction, it may be a sign that he or she will become physically violent down the road.
  • Lack of equity in the bedroom. When it comes to sex, an abuser may be aggressive in bed and require you to take a passive role at all time. He or she may demand sex when you are ill, tired, or not in the mood. They may also ignore your wishes or feelings when it comes to intimacy.


Even if you failed to recognize the early warning signs of your abuser, do not blame yourself – many abusers have a number of tricks that they use to trap victims in a relationship and control their emotions before their abuse turns physical.

Do you need the assistance of a Seattle domestic abuse attorney? Call the Law Offices of Molly B. Kenny today.

Molly B. Kenny
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Divorce and Child Custody Attorney Serving Bellevue and Seattle Washington