It's normal to feel some anger soon after a divorce. In fact, it's good to feel anger because doing so will allow you to process events and eventually move on.
However, it's also important to learn the technique of dealing with divorce anger so that you don't damage your best interests during divorce proceedings.
Talk it Out
Avoid bottling up your anger. Negative emotions, when bottled up, have a nasty habit of coming out when you least expect it. If necessary, see a counselor or therapist. Otherwise, confide in friends about how you're feeling.
Keep a journal about your feelings. You may notice correlations between certain events, places, or times and your feelings of anger. Once you have quantified what sets you off, you can take steps to reduce these activities or interactions.
You will be able to manage your anger better if you're coming from a place of strength. Waking up with a clear mind and a body that isn’t feeling sick primes you for a good day. Get plenty of exercise. Eat right, take daily walks or sign up for an exercise program. Staying active will also help you get your mind off the divorce. Keep yourself busy. Go to a movie, hang out with friends, or investigate a new hobby, perhaps one you chose not to pursue during the course of your marriage.
Be Easy On Yourself
Understand that feelings of anger are normal during this time. Many women are conditioned to believe that showing anger after a divorce is a sign of a resentful or malicious heart. That's not true at all. At some point in time, you'll begin to feel resentful and angry about how your life has turned out, and that is normal.
Learn to accept your role in the divorce. A divorce is rarely just one person’s fault. Accepting this is a step toward lessening some of the anger that you feel toward your spouse. It also lessens the risk that you will begin thinking of yourself as a victim. Many persons wallow in feelings of victimization and self -pity after a divorce, which hinders the ability to move forward.
Whatever happens, do not involve your children in your anger management program. They do not need to hear you sounding off about the other parent.
Look at the Bright Side
When you find yourself feeling resentful, count your blessings. Practicing gratitude, even when you aren’t necessarily feeling it, can reset your thinking pattern. You may want to consider this a life reset. The divorce is a chance for you to begin your life again on your terms.
It may take some time for you to get to this stage, but forgiving your ex-spouse for his or her mistakes can lift the oppression of anger and sadness. Nobody else controls your thoughts. It is up to you when you release the negative feelings to make room for positive ones.
The Law Offices of Molly B. Kenny offer a plethora of resources for the legal side of dealing with divorce, such as if spousal support affects Social Security. If you want to discuss a divorce, mediation, or arbitration, call our office today (425) 460-0550. We also are always available via our contact form.